What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 15:23
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She was in good health!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
In what ways does Islam oppress women?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
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As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
So, i spoilt her more .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
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I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He knew the spot.
Why would Trump make conspiracy claims that Haitians are eating pets in Ohio?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I will be 64.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I think the readers, may guess!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Does being poor build better character than being born rich?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
So whats the point in blame.
Is visiting holy shrines (dargahs) or graves haraam in Islam?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
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It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But ive been too sick for many years..
Why do flat-Earthers think the Earth is flat?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
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I waited trembling.
Especially a lifetime of it.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Put me off passion for life!!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
What did i know ?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Comes on , in middle age.
She wouldn,t have been !
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She loved him until the end.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Would this be the day?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was very sick at this time too.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Why did i forgive my father ?
One cannot live in the past .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But it wasn’t much.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I was seconnd youngest,
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Who then, do I blame.?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
This is soul school!.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And i lived it daily.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I was scared of men, in general
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I don,t even have a pension.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My family never makes their pension either.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She married twice! .
When she asked me how she looked .
Im still living with it.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
It was going to be , some day.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My life is so biszare .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Was to survive, this bastard.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Ive learnt so much.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I have no regrets .
I said to her
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I write beautiful poetry .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He resisted the act ,that day.
All the time i was locked up.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
We all went to grammer schools
The only rule us 5 kids had .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But, we were locked up after school.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I never cut or harmed myself..
She found it foreign!.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We were not on the streets..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
(And it was in our own minds.)
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was 9 years of age.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I could never make a relationship work though!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.